The End of the Beginning

As cliche as it may be, the perception of time really is a perplexing thing.

I am simultaneously relieved and horrified that the first year of medical school flew by at such an alarmingly snail's-perceived pace. I feel that I have learned a wealth of information both within and outside my classroom studies; at the same time, I feel so under-prepared for the upcoming years. Although in the perspective of timeline, I am technically a quarter of a doctor, I feel more like ... perhaps one sixteenth of one? At the most? 

Things really picked up the last half of first year. What with juggling new responsibilities for my extracurriculars, it became a game of prioritizing my time to the most important of things. Studying became something that I allocated time for instead of consuming all of my waking hours (and sometimes my sleeping hours, too!). And while it was stressful at times (okay, let's be real, all the time), I think I learnt a few lessons about studying and life of a medical student.

It has taken me a long time to learn and accept - and I still struggle with this notion a lot - but the thing about medical school is that grades ceased having that huge of an impact on the rest of your life. Growing in a very Asian culture, grades were almost the most important thing in our lives. Excelling in academics was direct and only correlation to the definition of success. And while anyone with a contextual mind understood that there are so many other factors at play, it was ingrained within us that excelling at academics gave you the safest gamble at being successful in life. 

Over time, I have learned to let go a little and become more well-rounded, having realized there are multiple ways to medicine. Now that I am in medical school and interacting with so many people from different walks of life, I have slowly started to realize spending all my time studying and becoming frustrated with my "un-ideal" grades did not get me anywhere. Having gotten in medical school, the game has really changed. Everyone sat in the cream of the crop of their respective academic institutions. And while I could spend all my time studying and trying to aim for the top of the class, I could also do other things and be happy with my decent grades. In the long run, due to the inconsistency of grading systems all over the medical educational systems, it is really knowing your stuff and rocking the Boards that really matter. It is not as if I am studying less intensely or less studiously; I am simply not spending those excessive, extra hours in attempt to garner those few questions that make the difference between a high G and an E. As long as I understood the material, what am I worrying about? After all, I really doubt your future patient will ask how you did in your classes when they come to you.

A saying passed down from our senpais really resonated with me. How do you address the person who comes out at the bottom of the graduating class? 

Doctor. 

That's right.

And don't get me wrong. This is a nice ideation: the notion of letting go and doing other productive things that enrich both my application and life. But the reality is, we are all type-A, competitive kids pressed under stressful and incredibly pressured timelines to shine in each of our own ways. Some of us have a better time letting go and simply doing the best at what we do while others still struggle with being the best in everything possible. And while I have striven to let go a bit and take pride in the accomplishments I have made outside of the classroom, the fear that I am simply not doing enough or not working hard enough to match my fellow peers still haunts me now and then. 

But it was a great year. I loved most of my themes. I made some solid and extremely supportive friendships (for those out there who read this silly thing, you know who you are. D). I have done my best at personal improvement. There were bumps along the way, but I managed to survive - for better or for worse.

So as the year has ended, and as I enjoy this well-deserved drink of milk tea in the warm embrace of Californian weather, I look forward to a fun and productive summer.

To better things and more (frequent) updates.

Until then, my friends.