The Lazy Workaholic
Balance is something difficult to achieve.
As an aggressive, A-type individual, I always strive for productivity. Since I understood the value of prioritizing things, I have assessed and evaluated every single day with my actions - whether I was productive enough and if I had fully utilized every minute of the day. When I entered high school, it became a terrible, self-exacerbating cycle in which I could punish myself of my lack of productivity with less sleep. I strive to accomplish as much as possible. Even when I should be relaxing until medical school starts, I stress myself out to maximally utilize the time I have left to continue to improve myself and become a better candidate.
Living in the twenty-first century makes my over-aggressive personality worse with all these distractions. I am always trying to do more, to learn more, to become more of an expert, to become experts of more. On my busiest days, I feel satisfied that I have accomplished so much in a day.
At the same time, I am a simultaneously, incredibly lazy person. I think that stems from me being burnt out all the time. At the end of my busiest days, I often depressed and overwhelmed having being caught up in so much that I can hardly wait for a break to simply - be. I anticipate my "day(s) off" to do nothing and jut rest (which usually involves me sleeping for the majority of the day). And while I am always excited to know that my ever-cluttering schedule (created by moi) gains these breathing spaces, I tend to end up fuming in jittery dissatisfaction of having wasting my own time in doing silly things.
Even in relaxing and wasting time, I worry about not wasting it ... properly.
Another item to the list of problems I must work on prior to starting school.
As an aggressive, A-type individual, I always strive for productivity. Since I understood the value of prioritizing things, I have assessed and evaluated every single day with my actions - whether I was productive enough and if I had fully utilized every minute of the day. When I entered high school, it became a terrible, self-exacerbating cycle in which I could punish myself of my lack of productivity with less sleep. I strive to accomplish as much as possible. Even when I should be relaxing until medical school starts, I stress myself out to maximally utilize the time I have left to continue to improve myself and become a better candidate.
Living in the twenty-first century makes my over-aggressive personality worse with all these distractions. I am always trying to do more, to learn more, to become more of an expert, to become experts of more. On my busiest days, I feel satisfied that I have accomplished so much in a day.
At the same time, I am a simultaneously, incredibly lazy person. I think that stems from me being burnt out all the time. At the end of my busiest days, I often depressed and overwhelmed having being caught up in so much that I can hardly wait for a break to simply - be. I anticipate my "day(s) off" to do nothing and jut rest (which usually involves me sleeping for the majority of the day). And while I am always excited to know that my ever-cluttering schedule (created by moi) gains these breathing spaces, I tend to end up fuming in jittery dissatisfaction of having wasting my own time in doing silly things.
Even in relaxing and wasting time, I worry about not wasting it ... properly.
Another item to the list of problems I must work on prior to starting school.
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