The Guide for Parents to their Med Student Kid

Medical school is a stressful journey, and like most of these journeys, the traveler is not the only player in his/her story. As connected pieces of satellite islands, we have always shared our struggles and joys with the loved ones in our lives. The sojourn of the medical student is a strangely complex one, in which life is both much too fast and much too slow all at the same time. For the family and loved ones of the stressed, slightly masochistic medical student, here are some tips that I think are useful in brightening our day.

(Homemade) Food. As human beings plus medical students, consuming the necessary calories to remain functional and ready to crack down on those book is simply exhausting to do three times a day everyday. Honestly, who has time to do groceries, prepare the food, eat it, and then clean it? And do it on a regular basis? How do our moms/dads do this everyday? Most of us simply surrender our "healthy eating itinerary" and resort to ordering delivery when exams and deadlines creep closer to the front of my minds. It's literally the best thing ever when y'all take out those packaged homemade dishes that we miss so much. Nothing beats a stuffed freezer/refrigerator with mom's/dad's best dishes. For reals.

Also, we becomes our roommate's best buddies when the sharing goes around. Bring some of our favorite foods/snacks, and we'll make sure to call you more (a.k.a. we'll think of you every time we defrost your love packages at mealtime)

I don't know why you're sick. Or auntie. Or your friend's husband for that matter. Just because I'm a doctor in training doesn't mean I know how to diagnose anything you throw at me (seriously, mom! I don't know why your friend has a "weird feeling in her leg"). We're really not in the mood to listen to all of our relatives' achies and wheezies when we come home for the holidays. When we do, though, please excuse our seemingly insensitive happiness. No, we're not happy that you're ill, we just needed to celebrate a moment of competence and boost in self-confidence. Lupus. You  got Lupus.

We're proud of you. With the tirades of exams, impending grades, evaluations, and critiques (whether doled out by our harsh, type A inner voices or by our supervisors), medical school can sometimes become a discouraging environment. Sometimes hearing a little bit encouragement and a reminder of the worth of what we're doing can mean so much to us. On our down days, remembering that our family's got our backs can be that little pull to keep us marching on our feet.

Stop asking us about what we're doing. We're studying. All the time. There literally isn't much else that we do. Other than worrying about studying when we're not. Seriously, when you ask us what we're up to, unless you're ready to give us a quiz on what we just read, please just ask us if we're sleeping alright and if we did anything. Better yet, tell us you've mailed us a surprise; that'll give us something to work towards. Personally, my mind just generates a list of all the things I still need to do when I'm asked what I'm doing. 

Love packages. We love these. It doesn't have to be much, really. Our favorite snacks from home; a giftcard to the closest eating places on campus (i.e. Starbucks, Panera, etc); an ugly sweater that some relative knitted; or even just a card to wish us well - these may not seem like much, but they really go a long way. For those of us who are a whiles away from our roots, these small hints of home sweet home can really brighten a gloomy day or remind us of the people who love us in this incredibly isolating and harsh experience. For those who have the luxury of proximity, it's still always nice to be remembered. A sentimental card after a long day at the hospital or library can really perk up those corners of our lips.

Patience. This may seem so straightforward, but being patient with us isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. Most of us are relatively bright students used to doing well in school. Feeling overwhelmed and sometime unappreciated (whether it is our grades falling short of our efforts or a lack of acknowledge of our hard work) is not something we enjoy, and we may often complain about certain classmates/professors/doctors/supervisors/people-higher-than-us over and over like an obsessive mouse running on a wheel. But please, be patient with us. Remember that we're just feeling frustrated and having an outsider listen to our complaints no matter how trivial they may seem means a lot. Because at the end of the tirade of how much this professor can't use Powerpoint, we're really just tired of studying/working and just really, really want a vacation. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen and agree with us that life can suck sometimes while other times, we need a kind reminder of the reasons we decided to pursue medicine. Likewise, when we're fervently telling you about something awesome that happened at clinic/classes today, please keep in mind that we're really all just nerds at heart, and all we want to do is share our passion. You may not be really interested - or you may be terribly grossed out - by that tidbit of anatomy or strangely bizarre medical condition of a patient we seem to really revel in, but remembering that this was the same child who stared wide-eyed in fascination when they saw their first frog dissection. This was the same child who couldn't wait to tell you our body is made of billions of tiny little cells and how cool is that! We really haven't changed.

These may or may not apply to your fellow medical student, but these certainly are traits that I have found to really keep me going in my times of stress and neurotic obsession that is medicine. Happy nurturing.