Year End Reflections

Greetings,
    I apologize for the long silence. Medical school has been overwhelming busy, and words have been dry to me. But at the junction of a Christmas break, here are a few thoughts:

So far, medical school can only be described as a strange suspension of conflicted time-space ironies from my personal experience of a first year medical student. In the short increments of approximately one-and-a-half months, we powered through full themes with overwhelming amounts of information – new pieces to memorize, new conceptual dots to connect. Reflecting back on the progress we’ve all made, time seemed to have crept past us unknowingly like some undetectable ninja, but when focused on each individual moment, each day felt as if it were stretched out into near-endless tunnels as we trudged through the wealth of knowledge we were expected to learn. Simultaneously, I wished for the pace of our lives to slow down and wind faster. Talk about indecision.

Aside from my struggles to accept the academic and social difficulties that encompass medical school, the first semester of medical school has been mostly a humbling experience. In the classroom, I am always deeply amazed when the lecturers effortlessly illustrate how these seemingly abstract scientific materials can be wielded as powerful tools of diagnosis and understanding of human pathology. Outside of the classroom, I am always surprised of the new things that I learn from the standardized patients and my fellow classmates. In some ways, it feels that the more I learn about the science behind human physiology, the more I realize that doctoring is so much more than an exact science and really more of an exceedingly complex art. It is an exciting and terrifying moment realizing there is still so much we can still learn about medicine and my own immaturity towards my chosen path as a physician. It worries me that I currently do not and will not have the maturity or capacity to interact with patients with the grace these physicians exude. That dream of becoming a doctor has never felt so distant yet frighteningly close in my grasp at the same time. It seems impossible that in a few years (if all goes well), I will be provided the title and expectations of what society sees as a physician. I hardly feel like a physician – still living in the bubble of a simple, idealistic student.

Despite my concerns and fears about my inability to mature into a proper physician, I still thoroughly enjoy the academic and social niches that I am enveloped within. Not only am I in awe-struck admiration for passion and wisdom evident in each lecturing professor and clinician, but I also am thankful for the privilege to sit among my inspiring fellow classmates each day. Coming from a relatively homogenous culture for the majority of my life, it is an eye-opening experience to learn aside such diverse individuals with such different backgrounds and perspectives. I have always been apprehensive about fitting in, and in an entirely novel environment, I had numerous concerns about surviving medical school socially. Perhaps it is being surrounded by like-minded individuals; perhaps it is the constant context of the every-constant academic life; or perhaps it is the convergence of eccentric characters in a highly cohesive class, but I have, surprisingly, been able to solidify a place in our micro-community and establish many more friendships than I thought I would ever be capable. I ridicule myself when I tell my classmates how being in medical school has been the most social – making the most real friends, attending the most social events, feeling like I actually belong – I have ever been in my life.

So as the year 2013 draws to a close and a New Year welcomes us with a warm cardiovascular theme, I am thankful to all those who have supported and loved me along the way, and I hope that I have honored them with my slow but continued growths an both an individual and as a medical student. I hope to keep honoring them with each step of my life.