End of the Year Reflections
Although it has been some two decades, at the end of every year, I am always still amazed that a year has passed. As if it were the first time or something.
Every year, come around this time, I realize that this year past us so swiftly. Time really does run like flowing water - never waiting and once past, is gone. Every year, I realize that I have simultaneously learnt and done much yet not done anything sufficiently enough at all. So many things to do, to learn, that still need to be done. And every year, like everyone else, I make these resolutions - these silly promises to myself. To work harder, to pursue every opportunity, to never tire, and to find some sort of happiness in all the craziness that makes up my life.
And as the 365 days adding up, I get caught up in all the daily and short-term goals. These deadlines that are always coming up left and right distract me from all the important things that I should investing in: to be more healthy; to spend time with the people that are important to me; to learn to manage my life-planning. Instead, I get tangled and strung up all these present problems, fixating on achieving perfection for each and every thing I attempt that in the end, many things that I do crumble in front of me in a severely dissatisfying fashion.
So caught up in all these small, inconsequential things, these mundane problems that I become so obsessed and melt down at the silliest of things. Small things that are the straw that break the camel's back. Or whatever metaphorical back there is out there.
But back to this year (instead of generalizations of my life that I always seem to be doing). This year, I learned more about myself, both mentally and academically. Although I came back to the same point, I have decided that I still indeed want to pursue medicine no matter how unprepared, how naive, how childish, or how ill-fitted that I may be for the profession. Because in my mind, there is still nothing else I would really rather love to do than this. Maybe it has to do with my lifelong dream or still some sort of obsessed blindness to achieve my parents' approval, but - my reasoning and logical desires still play the strong suit here. In terms of the mental department, I discovered a bit more maturity in myself than last year. Hopefully, I will finally become a real adult by the time I am thirty. That seems really far away, but that will catch up real fast, probably. Seems like just a few days ago I was dreaming about going off to college. Now that I have graduated, I still get these occasional pangs of guilt and emptiness that I did not do enough - play enough, explore enough - fulfill my life as a college student more. But life is always about reflecting about the could-have-been's and should-have-done's. I had fights with him, and we made some progress in our relationship. Came to a better understanding. We talked about things beyond just daily silliness. And I am happy with what we are at now.
Overall, 2012, like every other year, shot through me ahead of my anticipations. I appreciate all of the people who have loved me, still love me, helped me, and care about me. To those who have stuck around for all these years, I thank you for still being here for me. To those who I have newly met, I thank you for our yuan (緣) and your friendship because deity knows that I am terrible at making friends. May our friendship last for many years to come. And to all the opportunities out there, I will come after you next year!
Every year, come around this time, I realize that this year past us so swiftly. Time really does run like flowing water - never waiting and once past, is gone. Every year, I realize that I have simultaneously learnt and done much yet not done anything sufficiently enough at all. So many things to do, to learn, that still need to be done. And every year, like everyone else, I make these resolutions - these silly promises to myself. To work harder, to pursue every opportunity, to never tire, and to find some sort of happiness in all the craziness that makes up my life.
And as the 365 days adding up, I get caught up in all the daily and short-term goals. These deadlines that are always coming up left and right distract me from all the important things that I should investing in: to be more healthy; to spend time with the people that are important to me; to learn to manage my life-planning. Instead, I get tangled and strung up all these present problems, fixating on achieving perfection for each and every thing I attempt that in the end, many things that I do crumble in front of me in a severely dissatisfying fashion.
So caught up in all these small, inconsequential things, these mundane problems that I become so obsessed and melt down at the silliest of things. Small things that are the straw that break the camel's back. Or whatever metaphorical back there is out there.
But back to this year (instead of generalizations of my life that I always seem to be doing). This year, I learned more about myself, both mentally and academically. Although I came back to the same point, I have decided that I still indeed want to pursue medicine no matter how unprepared, how naive, how childish, or how ill-fitted that I may be for the profession. Because in my mind, there is still nothing else I would really rather love to do than this. Maybe it has to do with my lifelong dream or still some sort of obsessed blindness to achieve my parents' approval, but - my reasoning and logical desires still play the strong suit here. In terms of the mental department, I discovered a bit more maturity in myself than last year. Hopefully, I will finally become a real adult by the time I am thirty. That seems really far away, but that will catch up real fast, probably. Seems like just a few days ago I was dreaming about going off to college. Now that I have graduated, I still get these occasional pangs of guilt and emptiness that I did not do enough - play enough, explore enough - fulfill my life as a college student more. But life is always about reflecting about the could-have-been's and should-have-done's. I had fights with him, and we made some progress in our relationship. Came to a better understanding. We talked about things beyond just daily silliness. And I am happy with what we are at now.
Overall, 2012, like every other year, shot through me ahead of my anticipations. I appreciate all of the people who have loved me, still love me, helped me, and care about me. To those who have stuck around for all these years, I thank you for still being here for me. To those who I have newly met, I thank you for our yuan (緣) and your friendship because deity knows that I am terrible at making friends. May our friendship last for many years to come. And to all the opportunities out there, I will come after you next year!
Comments
Post a Comment